fitveggielife

Joy stained with sadness. Spreading. Searching in the mirror:
Hello and goodbye, hello–echo–hello! Goodbye, goodbye.

Internal guard. Distracting. Defensive. Avoiding what happened before…

Faltering. A puddle. A wrinkle of sadness in everything, for in your noticing is its ending–begin and end, begin and end–what happens in between the beginning and ending? 

Peace
into pieces. Or out of?

Glowing walls and silver light. Continual death and spring. Past carried forward, pasts of pasts, a knowing, a deep knowing. Pain and struggle and death. 

Forgetting the peace. 
Peace in chaos. 
Again,
Beginning and ending. 

Life is–

Not speaking to my dad. 
Bullying my younger brother. 
Hating my mom. 
Lice infestation and a shaved head.
Trying to fit in.
Rape. 
Uncovering and pulling, stripping, stripped, free me–
Dancing! Don’t stop dancing!
My older brother moving out. 
Arrested for stealing.
Grammy’s final embrace. 
Jammed fingers and water polo.  
From California to New York.
Endlessly more,

Forgiveness, forgive me–I forgive you.
You’re forgiven! Again and again, forgiven, will you forgive? 
Dance and let go–take it all off!
Float in a river, rinse your pain–cleansed! Continuously cleansed! 

Trying and trying, try again. You’re not a quitter.
Bad things happen. 
Don’t forget there’s more!

I’m sorry.
I forgive you. 
I love you. 

That’s when the mirror beckons: will you remember– 
To stop running, and
remember your strength.
To let go, and

Remember to celebrate.