If life is such a rare gift, why do I spend so much of it afraid?
Pull over and
lying there, dead,
a vehicle designed to
hurry now!
Some sugar factory, honeybee,
flower mother, servicing.
hawks circle
a maze in the sky
over the landscape,
tear-filled eyes.
world that made me,
flashing in sequence,
feet running on pavement.
What if I wasn’t the one who got to live?
engine surfing, dark green
between these walls
feet slap
alcohol blurs my vision
out of water, floating higher.
ushered through a series of rooms
in my mind while this body
sits in the sun,
wind chimes,
birds chirp,
a mash-up.
Rejected and in the meantime
pretending I’m frozen,
foot stuck in feeling like
judging
a vicious loop of
Practicing fear
to practice fear.
A sweet ending,
slept on and looked over
even or fair, easy for me.
a pinecone in the sky
white puffs thin blue
crows with white shining
fluorescence,
eating babies,
nature,
my tv.
Dead on the side of the road.
Driving too fast to slow down.
Everything is a lie.
fight the feeling to run! do something!
Good dog.
up to something good in my room
high as could be on candlelit words
flickering across the black and white
tangled floors
Unlock for me, all alone,
no one to see the television
tree that sprouts above the ceiling,
the world, opening
Nothing normal here.
Too slow for thinking
the tentacle of something hidden in the dark.
Sharing secrets
and willing
to whisper
or shout and scream,
I’m listening!
Of course I want this.
Of course I’m going to fall in love,
again and again,
I can’t help it.
Fluttery fear.
A chill at the back
of my arms and
pricks of sand across
purple toes.
Frankenstein
an animal
whose heart is beating
before being
put down.
Thick frog in your throat
pound her in
cock the barrel
looking down at you
mocking white teeth–shoot me.
I bared my soul
now use it against me.
Nothing to do but cry.
hands and knees,
Looking up,
yellow rays of light.
I am more than I seem.
Like drawing a circle
between the lines,
perfectly round spectacle,
viewing from your side.
A light is lit
revealing wet sand,
small crabs,
the edge of the ocean
breaking at your feet.
time given
to creating
the correct image,
memory.
drawn by the people
around me,
telling me what
they can about
things.
Something beyond how I look,
the things I’ve experienced,
the outside world,
universal but intrinsically,
within me
more than
fitting in,
can you see
hands
carry forward
the insanity
to conjure,
not taken lightly,
the universe performed in my mind,
I’m not going to keep on forgetting.
wearing
white spandex, blending
a handstand
and the floor,
silently sniffing
your neck
before grabbing hold
Today we make history.
searing pain in your esophagus,
the desire to be alone
connections form around you.
Shame on you
for staying
and not listening to me.
And it turns
and it burns
and you want to die
and you wonder
will it get better?
someone else’s eyes
sink deeper,
over the edge
darkness whispers,
kissing me on the neck,
promising tasteless,
beautiful nothing.
How out of boundaries can I get?
Running it seems
from the people and events
that made life possible,
looking through a negative lens.
Like something is wrong
with me
and in my fear
you are afraid too
but there’s more to see.
fitveggielife 